Thug Life & Canned Wine

They say you do what you know and I know how to sneak food and drinks into anything, anywhere!  (I blame my mom who used stick those microwave popcorn bags in her purse when we went to the movies.  Way to set a good example Janie!)  In school I was the sensei.  No matter how strict the teacher, no matter how prominently the “No Food Or Drinks” signs were displayed, I’d down a Ziplock bag of Cheeze-Its before the pledge with nary a chew to be seen.  I was like a snacking ventriloquist, like a snantriloquist!

While I’m proud of all the places I’ve snuck (I don’t care if “snuck” is not a word because “sneaked” sounds stupid) food and drinks into there is one case in particular that sticks out in my mind.  There was the time I brought an entire bottle of wine into Mama Mia.  Let me help you visualize this.  Me (gross!) belting out “Dancing Queen” between Dixie cups of Cab Franc with a singing voice somewhere between Roseanne Barr and the Janis character from friends.

{For the record my habit has nothing to do with being cheap.  I mean I spend LOADS of money on booze!  The issue is that I’m not getting stuck drinking frickin Yellow Tail with Kraft singles when I can have Barili Cellars “His & Her” with aged manchego.  Such a Prima Donna, I know!}

As much fun as it is trying to fit and ankle flask under my skinny jeans I have to tell you no one is more excited about canned wine than yours truly.  Perfectly portioned wine that fits neatly into nearly any purse, yes please!

I’m super into the Sofia Blanc de Blancs Blend Minis and the Soleil Mimosa Minis.  These suckers fit int o most clutches!  This solves literally one of the biggest problems in my life.  Now I can focus on paying off my Nordstrom card and completing my unauthorized biography of Kanye West entitled “Delusions Of Grandeur”.  That’s just a working title as I am still toying with “Why I Want To Punch Kanye West In The Throat and the “O.G Of Idiocy.”  Feel free to leave your vote in the comments.

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I’ll see you back here Thursday with more hard hitting news stories.

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