My Love Letter To Nordstrom

I could just make a few jokes about Nordstrom’s heave worth flattery tactics or their penchant for stuffing your purchase into the smallest bag possible but that just isn’t my way now is it.

The year was 2007 and I was going through a surprisingly rigorous interview process in orders to land myself a job slinging clothes at Nordstrom. I couldn’t actually afford to wear the clothes I was selling but I considered my status as a Nordy’s shop girl quite desirable.

My first few days on the job were all about brainwashing training, “perception is reality!”  (I wake up in a cold sweat to this day with that mantra ringing in my ears.)    Myself and the other recruits watched some hopelessly outdated videos presented by the HR department (apparently it takes what looks like and old episode of Roseanne to teach folks not to be racist) and we attempted to stay conscious while a grown woman literally leaped around the room like some sort of Nordstrom adult cheerleader. Be aggressive, be be, aggressive!

My first day on the floor (retail jargon for “on the floor”) I seriously considered hanging myself in one of the poorly lit dressing rooms.  It was worse than a job I had for three hours cleaning banks at night (and that job blew!)  My only comfort came in the form of a mixed up sort of fellow who used to stop by the department and regale me with his stories of secret ops, meetings with the President and private plane liaisons with heads of state.  He is definitely on a no fly list somewhere, bless his heart.

I remember one day my manager took me behind a rack of Not Your Daughters Jeans and pulled a small grainy black and white photo out of her pocket.  “Can you tell me what’s going on here” she said, smugly.  I looked at the photo.   There I was standing behind the cash register with another associate about a foot from me.  (Crazy, I know!)  “What’s going on here is that the lighting in this department is atrocious!” I said in disgust.  I could tell she wanted to punch me in the throat (fortunately that is against Nordstrom policy.)  To this day I have no idea what that was about but you best believe I was sucking in 24/7 after that.  I did not need another unflattering photo on my record!

I could tell you sooo much more but I fear that I may come home one day to find my favorite Sam Edelman pumps mutilated beyond recognition with a note using text cut Nordstrom’s summer Catalog reading  “iF you EVer wAnT to sEe youR PAIge DeNiM aGain SHuTey!“.  The very thought makes me shudder.

All that to say I still shop at Nordstrom (I’m not one to cut my nose off to spite my face) but I would rather wear ill-fitting harem pants than work there.

Now check out my fave finds from the Anniversary Sale. You have until August 2nd to destroy your credit!

IMG_4035

IMG_3990

Articles Of Society ‘Faith’ Flare Jeans.  I’m feeling retro fabulous and I ain’t hatin it.  These flare jeans practically leaped off a shelf onto me.  Note to self:  Do not take photos barefoot you look like a stumpy gnome.

IMG_3941

IMG_3963

Leith Double Layered Tube skirt.  Best avoid stairs in this little number seeing as you cannot actually bend your knees but it’s worth the physical impairment.

Steve Madden ‘Stecy’ Sandal.  These strappy nude pumps give you legs for days.  Need I say more?!  I would give up In Touch, People, and OK magazine for a couple extra inches and I friggin live for those fine publications.

Meet you back here Thursday where I’m changing things up and getting serious for a minute.  Intrigued??

2 comments on “My Love Letter To Nordstrom

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *