Hack Nordstrom Rack

Who doesn’t appreciate a good rack?!  I know whenever I see one I can’t help but stare.  But let’s get back to clothes.  Shopping at Nordstrom Rack is virtually a militant experience.  One must have a fool proof plan of attack and an unwavering commitment to dressing better than other people.  Below are my five tips to Hack Nordstrom Rack.

Prepare Mentally.  Right now The Sopranos theme song “Woke Up This Morning” is doing it for me.  There’s just something about gun violence that puts in in a head space to find that perfect Spring frock.

Hydrate.  This is not the day for tea folks, you need massive amounts of caffeine coursing through your veins for this sort of mission.  If you’re anything like me, you work up quite the sweat power changing in the dressing rooms and shoving the elderly out of your way.  I highly recommend iced coffee drinks or uppers.  I kid, I kid!

Visualize.  I can say with confidence that if I were blinded in some horrible false lash accident (God forbid!) I could easily navigate my local Nordstrom Rack.  I could Helen Keller my way to to the NYX display, choose a perfect shade of red matte lipstick, find an understated Rebecca Minkoff clutch and pick through the Free People for the one item that doesn’t make me look like Nicole Richie circa 2007 – all while instagramming selfies with carefully chosen emojis and hashtags.  #baller

Strategize.  What will you do if some smoker/bowler type broad reaches for those size 7 Vince Camuto open-toe black leather booties at the same time as you?  How will you react when you have one too many items to take to the dressing room?  You may want to take a Paxil and bring along your key chain mace.  I know of a girl (not me) who pours a dash of Kahlua into her coffee to take the edge off me…..her.

Don’t be a hero.  GET A CART!!!  I know what your thinking – won’t a cart slow me down and effect my ability to maneuver the sales floor?  I know a lot of debate surrounds this topic and those who have voiced their opinions on it feel strongly.  I’ve left the rack with indents in my hands from the weight of 12 hangers, chipped polish and scratch from a sequin that actually drew blood.  I’m proud of my battle scars but teetering on the brink of 33 I can’t afford to be so reckless.  After all, I have my children myself to think about.

Join me back here on the blog sometime next week.  Not gonna commit to a day in case I get caught up in a Real Housewives marathon.

Latest Rack obsession: Calvin Klein Boy Shorts

 

 

 

One comment on “Hack Nordstrom Rack

  1. Your back! Read this at 5am… Don’t ask…. I was just at the Rack a couple days ago, this post would have come in handy. I did however shop with a coffee in hand (duh) but I’m pretty sure toting a newborn & nursing in the dressing room stifled my once competitive level Rack shopping skillz. Yes, that “skillz” with a “z” because I’m a “Gangsta Mom”.
    Side note. Do you ever liken us to Frazier & Niles? We’re like a much dumber version of them. Seriously.
    Peace out yo! “Flashing the west side hand sign with both hands”
    Also, call me about edits You really should have me proof read these. Just a few small errors. PS- errors don’t count in comment sections, I know I don’t punctuate correctly and my grammar blows but I DO NOT GIVE A ****

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