Hey Shawty

When I was just knee high to a grasshopper I would  kneel at the foot of my bed and pray, not for humanity, my family or even to marry LL Cool J (it was the early 90’s) but that I would grow up to be 5′ 9″  just like Cindy Crawford.  (If that’s not a run on sentence I don’t know what is.  Also, I don’t know what is.)  When I entered my sophomore year of high school at just under 5′ 5″ it occurred to me that God may have other priorities aside from my wish for super model stature.  (He did, however, see that Curb Your Enthusiasm debuted on HBO so there’s that.)

So I did what any other materialistic, image obsessed short stack would do.  I spent every last penny I had buying heels.  While other teens scrimped and saved for college (or beer more likely) I was amassing a collection of pumps no other girl in my high school could rival.  (Yeah, I know!)  In hindsight that may be why my higher education amounts to a single semester of community college.  That may also have something to do with the fact that I couldn’t even qualify for college level math so I had to go to something called a “Work Force Training Center”.  I think the abbreviation for that is D.U.M.B.

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Confessions at Kohl’s

I shop at Kohl’s religiously and by that I mean I take communion (Starbucks), there’s a lot of judgement (in the dressing room) and before I leave I give them all my money!  Now let’s all pray I can pay off my card before the second coming.  Amen!

Today I’m sharing some of my fave Kohl’s finds of the summer but before I go any further I feel that I have to be up front with you, my dedicated readers, followers, fans really.  I think it’s important that all 7 of you know the clothes I am recommending are from (don’t you dare judge me!) the juniors department.   Here’s the thing, if you can get away with it and have little to no shame you can find some cool stuff in juniors and it’s so much cheaper than the women’s section.  Plus, you feel really cool when some girl is there with her mom and she’s like “I want this dress” and her mom’s like “no it’s too short” and she’s like “your ruining my life” and I’m like “I’m 30 years old and I can dress like a street-walker whenever I want!”

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